Scariest Moment of my Life (to date)

I'm sick and it sucks. I first noticed a tickle in my throat on Friday. I just felt like I constantly needed to clear my throat. And then Saturday, when I was supposed to get up early to go with Faith & Cory to an estate sale up in the valley, I felt like crap. Mostly I thought I felt tired because the cats were being especially obnoxious at 3 a.m. (pulling down the kitchen and bathroom garbage cans and chewing on plastic).

I had also lost my voice, but I just chalked that up to yelling at the cats too much. I managed to have a lovely time at the estate sale (bought 3 vintage dress patterns from the mid-60s) and then we had lunch and headed over to A Mano Yarns. We got to see Shannita & Peggy, both of whom were working and Faith & Cory bought some great yarn, but I really started to feel lightheaded and exhausted. I went home & vegged for a few hours before deciding that I was too tired to head out to Cinespia (a first for me this season). We watched march of the Penguins and I started to notice a sore throat. I took some cough drops and felt ok. But at about 11 p.m. I started to feel really crappy. My head was pounding, my throat was killing me and I had sinus pressure building in my ears. I took a Chloraseptic throat strip but it didn't seem to help enough.

This is when I lost it. I cam into the living room crying because I felt so icky. I knew I was acting like a 6 year old, but I couldn't help it. Rich was awesome, getting me water and tissues and storking my back to make me feel better. He told me to take a hot shower because the steam would help with the sinus pressure and I'd be able to sleep easier. So I did, and it actually seemed to help. Until I started feeling nauseous.

Being pregnant, nausea is just something that comes with the territory. So while it definitely sucks, you almost get used to it. So I started throwing up in the shower, just mucus, which I knew was from the draining of my sinuses.

And then I saw red. Throwing up blood is definitely a no-no at any time, but especially when you're pregnant. And so when I saw red mucus coming up, I freaked. I called out to Rich that I was throwing up blood, and he immediately said we needed to go to the hospital. I got out of the shower, calmly dried off and asked Rich for some clothes. I felt strangely calm, sort of like "I know that I need to get from point A to point B and if I think about what is actually happening, I won't be able to function." I was trying not to think about what was really going on, but the thought of losing Figgy was too much to bear. I know people who have lost pregnancies in their 5th month, so I know it can happen, but I couldn't fathom it happening to me.

As I looked for a shirt to put on, I saw the cough drops I'd been taking -- bright orange. And that's when the calm part of me said, "hey, could that red just have been coloring from the cough drops?" But Rich was the one who realized that the Chloraseptic strips I'd taken were bright red, the same red that I saw in the shower. Waves and waves of relief spread over me. I wasn't going to lose Figgy. I didn't have to go to the hospital. I apologized to Rich for scaring the beejeezus out of him, and sat on the edge of the bed, breathing deeply.

My friend Allison, mom to Baby Maggie, wrote me something in an email in response to my happiness that I'd passed my AFP test. "It is a huge weight off the mind but remember, worrying will now be a perpetual state of being for the rest of your life." I guess it already is.