Thursday, March 08, 2007

On My Own

Ok, not really on my own, Richard is still around. He's just traveling like a rabid gypsy for the next month or so. Here's his schedule:
March 2-3: Ogden, UT
March 10-13: Austin, TX
March 23-25: Memphis, TN
March 30-April 1: St. Louis, MO
April 6-8: Portland, OR
April 15-19: Las Vegas, NV

This is not normal. But he's trying to get all his business travel over before July, when we'll hopefully be a bit busy.

So I'm on my own, at least for many weekends. But even then, not really. I'm keeping busy seeing friends and being social (what a shock). This Monday, Julia & I will be seeing a live performance of This American Life, complete with a sneak preview of the TAL tv show, which begins airing later this month on Showtime (I knew I paid for those premium channels for a reason). Next weekend, we'll get to see Mel, Grant & baby Mark, when they drive down from the Bay. And the 31st-1st, my lovely friends Carrie & Christa are coming down for a visit. So luckily, my friends are keeping from a life of self-imposed hermitude.

And speaking of getting out of the house, I went back to prenatal yoga on Saturday. My back had been killing me, and walking really wasn't helping, so I needed a safe exercise opportunity that would help me feel better. However, I hadn't been back to my studio since we lost Eliza, and I was very apprehensive. Overall, it was a good experience, and the exercise felt great. I did have a minor panic attack as I walked into the class -- I actually had to walk out and sit down on a bench and do some deep breathing to calm myself down. And it was hard, being around 15 happy, very pregnant women who are so confident that their bodies know what to do in regards to their baby. Even the teacher was 39 weeks pregnant! Hearing everyone chatting about their doulas, and how they are just ready for their pregnancy to be over was just a touch bittersweet. I couldn't help but think, "be careful what you wish for." I know I'm just in a different emotional place because I can't trust that my body knows what to do.

But on the positive side, I'm feeling good, and Pumpkin is kicking away. I have my 20 week ultrasound in 2 weeks, and I'm excited about that. I'm just trying to appreciate every day, every kick, and every opportunity I have to bond with this baby. Yay Pumpkin!