Beliefs

Wow, Figgy is real. Not that he/she wasn't before, but he (i'm using the he just because it's easier, not because I know anything regarding gender) is so much more real now. I've seen him. During the ultrasound, mostly he was sleepy. The technician keep poking my belly, trying to get him to move, but mostly he just wanted to sleep (so basically, Figgy has the same grumpy personality of my cat, Deano). But I actually got to see him suck his thumb! I saw his little fingers and everything. No pictures, as apparently Cedars uses a "filmless" system, which is useless for scrapbooks and grandmothers, but I got to see him.

I will say that this pregnancy has made me consider some tough issues. As of Saturday, I just finished my 12th week, which is nearing the end of my 1st trimester (which officially ends after the 13th/14th week - depending on which book you read). And it just makes me think. I am adamantly pro-choice. I have been ever since I was old enough to have an opinion about the matter. And more than 90 percent of abortions take place by the 14th week in pregnancy. And I support that. It's just a strange place to be in. Given my moments of pukeyness, I have a hard time understanding how women can claim to not know that they were pregnant until they gave birth. But I guess that's the power of the mind: if you really don't want to accept something, your mind can convince you of anything.

It's also weird, having seen the ultrasound, and seeing Figgy, with his fingers and toes, and yet knowing that, if I wanted, I could still have an abortion. For anyone who is concerned, I don't, but that's the power of choice. But it's still weird. Do I reconcile the baby that I want, with the fetuses that other women do not? My ultimate conclusion is that Figgy, and other fetuses, are beings, but their rights do not trounce those of the women who are carrying them. I know that babies cost a lot: emotionally and financially. And only people who really want one should have one. So I guess that's how I reconcile my beliefs with the little (now the size of a lime) being inside of me.