Happy Friday!

I started the day by puking, multiple times, all over my driveway! Granted, I hadn't eaten anything yet, but it was still oh so fun.

On a better note, I managed to drink 3 liters of water yesterday. I find if I break it up by time, it's a bit easier. I drank one in the morning by noon, one by the time I left work and one more before I went to bed. I'm supposed to drink 4 liters, buts it's so hard to drink 3 at this point, I'm just trying to build up my water drinking capacity.

And I did get some exercise in. Our kickball game last night was canceled, due to poor field conditions (basically the field was flooded from the rain earlier in the week), so Rich and I went for a long, brisk walk (long for us -- it was actually about 40 minutes). But even in the cool weather, I managed to work up a bit of a sweat, so I felt like I accomplished something.

I go in today for the ultrasound to see if I have a fibroid. Fun stuff. I'm trying to rationalize all my crappy, bloated feelings and say that every pregnancy has some difficulty. Some people have problems getting pregnant, which I obviously didn't. There are so many things that go wrong in pregnancies, and if this is as bad as it gets for me, I'll be grateful. I know a woman who has been trying to have a baby for years. She can get pregnant, no problem, but something in her body refuses to stay pregnant. I know she'd give her eye teeth to have my piddly issues. I can't continue to wallow in self-pity. I've given myself a couple of days, and now I need to focus on what I'm doing to remedy the situation. It only that was accomplished as easily as it is said.

mini emotional breakdown time

I honestly don't know how I feel about being so open about the emotional roller coaster I'm on, but I feel like it needs to come out in some way, shape or fashion. Back when I had my last doctor's appointment a few weeks back, my OB noticed some slight swelling in my fingers and said that I should be very careful about salt intake and should increase my water consumption greatly. I listened, I did, and I thought I was doing ok. Low salt wheat thins, low salt lunch meat, etc.

But, of course, yesterday at lunch (my boss's birthday) the office catered in PF Chang's. And the whole low-salt thing slipped my mind. When I went in for my appointment yesterday and stepped on the scale, I was shocked. According to the scale, I had gained 14 pounds in 3 weeks. I was reeling. I feel like I've been trying to be good, and yet, I'm obviously not trying hard enough. Even my doctor was stunned. I didn't look or feel like I had put on more than a couple of pounds. She decided that either the initial weigh in had been incorrect or that I was retaining water like a camel. And the water retention theory seems to be the popular one.

And so I got a lecture (a gentle one, but a lecture nonetheless) on exercising (vigorously) at least 5 times a week, watching my salt intake like a hawk, and drinking like a fish. And then I got the big scare: if I don't do these things, and swelling continues, I'll end up with preclampsia (which means "pre-seizure") and end up having my baby at 7 months, and he/she will be in the NICU.

I managed to get through the rest of the appointment, and into my car before I started crying. I felt like a failure. In general, I am a can-do person. I put my mind to something and I get it done. But this pregnancy has thrown me for a loop. I should be focused on the figgy baby inside, but mostly I'm thinking about how crappy I feel most of the time. I don't want to be selfish; I don't want a premature baby with health problems; I want everything to go well. I just don't feel like I'm doing a good job.

Richard is wonderful, and he's been so supportive through this. I couldn't ask for more in a husband. But sometimes I don't feel pregnant. I feel like my body has been highjacked and that the things that I want for me aren't important anymore. I have those feelings, and then I feel guilty for being selfish.

And it doesn't help that I have yet to see anything resembling anything on a sonogram. My OB thinks I may have a fibroid tumor on my uterus that is blocking the view. So I have to go in for an official ultrasound tomorrow to check that out. Fun! I guess I'm just feeling a little beaten down right now.

I'm really not writing this to try to get sympathy. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest, and sometimes, the internet is the easiest place to be very personal, in a weird way.

2nd post in one day, oh my!

By the way, I just wanted to thank everyone for their lovely thoughts and helpful hints at combating the 1st trimester suckiness. I really appreciate it. By the way, I have my doctor's appointment tonight, so I might get to hear the heartbeat! Updates to come.

Figgy pudding?

Apparently, I am fruitastically challenged, as I am the only person who doesn't know how big a fig is.

And why does everyone want to eat my baby? Wrapped in bacon? Souffle?